Heart Throb

Very rarely do people get into real emotions on valentines day. I've never looked at the day past the little nerd candy box and nick toon paper fold overs that we use to get in grade school. It's funny because the teachers would always send home a letter the week before asking that the students bring enough for all the students in the class. They even provided a list of all the students names; the emotional protection tactics of private school. Sometimes I feel like "good families" spend a lot of time hiding their children from emotional maturity. It's almost like picking your baby up every time they try to walk in an effort to keep them from ever falling. The intentions may be good but the means aren't productive(Kant on ethics anyone?lol). The result being that you never learn how to walk. I realized that as much as I've been taught I've set up ways to deal with negative emotions that aren't the best. My thing was to forget about it, get over it, and move on. <- That sounds pretty legitimate, right? Well there is a step missing..dealing with it. Yesterday I was made to realize that. I usually try to worry about other people's emotions so I don't have to focus on my own and yesterday a friend forced me to look at my own. Well more so tricked my mind into looking at itself through questions, their tone, and the situation at hand (Side note: Communication is so interesting). Regardless I ended up pretty tearful for about an hour and as much as I'd like to not admit I was crying...I was. You can call it what you may but I call it release. All at one moment I thought back to the moments where I pretended not to care, the few but present people I had hurt that meant a lot to me, the few things I ever regretted, and a lot of bad decisions that I have made in the past and how I had been so disappointed in myself (and we all know when someone says they're disappointed..it hits harder than saying they're angry). It was a lot and oddly overwhelming. It made me think of life as a building..when you create it you have to go through all the stages. Skipping over one just because you don't like it could result in a weak structure. That's what I was. A weak structure with a strong facing. There aren't to many times that we get a chance to go back and go through that step we missed years ago..but I got mine yesterday and I'm happy I couldn't run away this time.

I couldn't think of a legit name for the poem below...so I just put one that kinda went with it but that title alone has me thinking of something else soo...any suggestions?

Salt Water Taffy/Pinocchio

My vision is salty
Not because of long days on the beach
but long nights of being beached like a lost whale
I didn't know how to deal with being out of my comfort zone
I didn't want to look in the mirror and be unhappy at what I saw
once again
I try to turn away and look at you but you forced me to stare
stair until my very gaze was the only escape route to take
but it only lead deep into myself
where all the lost boys went in Pinocchio
my nose and ears grew as I tried to say nothing was wrong
that lets just keep moving on
I hee hawed as the ass came out of me
part boy part donkey and the whole time claiming to be a man
I had to grow up last night
and I can't claim to have a fairy God mother but
I did have you
Forcing me to walk again until I became a real boy
no a real man
and no magic sparkles fell or pixie dust snuffed
just my tears
like mirrors reflecting into me
tears swelling up
you made me stare
and my vision is salty


Continued Blessings
~A. Moore